I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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