It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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