i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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