my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
