So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
