you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
