So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
