He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
