if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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