Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
worst night to have a conscience
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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