Just cropdusted the office
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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