i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
