Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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