How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
