I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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