FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
