I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Randomize
