After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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