sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
