I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
its not stalking. its research.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
