i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
