three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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