Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
