We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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