If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
