Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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