Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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