What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
