You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
