Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
