If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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