Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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