the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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