Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
