Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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