the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
