She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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