no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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