I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
