my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
