Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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