you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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