i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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