I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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