You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I queefed so loud it echoed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
