Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
