i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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