You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
