I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She even gives head with a lisp.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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