seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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