There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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