Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize