Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
