my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
