i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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