He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Someone stole a lamp last night.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
