i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
