if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
