do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
