The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
