her vagine was all disorganized.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
