Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
