Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
