youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
