I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We are all done wearing pants today
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