so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
