and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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