I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
