I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
